Dogs Deserve to Make Choices

Understanding Yes and No – Or Learning Their Language?

Do we teach dogs what “yes” and “no” mean? Or should we make an effort to understand their way of communicating with us?

Years ago, I came to a powerful realisation: dogs deserve a say in how and when we train them. The transformation in my training results was incredible—and still is. But this idea goes far deeper than it first appears.

Choice vs. Control in Dog Training

Giving dogs a choice sounds wonderful—and it is—but it must be balanced with structure. Controlled environments and limited options are often crucial in reinforcement-based training, especially with young puppies. It helps set them up for success and builds reliable behaviour patterns.

Why Are Choices Important for Dogs?

A key component of a dog’s mental and emotional well-being is having control over the outcome of their actions. Just like us, dogs thrive when they’re empowered.

Having worked with both domestic dogs and their ancestors, Canis lupus, I’ve witnessed firsthand how similar our needs for autonomy are. Research confirms that dogs benefit from choice. I see it in my dogs every day—when given the right options, they often make the best choices on their own.

The Rise of Behavioural Issues

One major reason I focus so strongly on this concept is the growing number of dogs suffering from:

• Anxiety and emotional distress

• Aggression and reactivity

• Hyperactivity or “shouty” behaviour (excessive barking)

• Over-dominance or inability to cope in social situations

All too often, the default solution is to medicate. A vet might prescribe Prozac or Loxone, which can numb symptoms but never address the root cause. Medication is not a fix—it’s a mask.

When Positive Reinforcement Falls Short

Many trainers blame positive reinforcement methods for a lack of boundaries. And while I’m a huge supporter of reinforcement-based learning, I acknowledge that it isn’t always the complete solution.

What we need is balance—allowing dogs choice, while also teaching them respectful boundaries and developing essential “dog skills.”

A Dog’s Right to Think

Modern puppy classes, often held in vet clinics, can lack depth in canine ethology and behavioural science. Our dogs are being conditioned to be overly regulated, with little room to make decisions or express natural behaviours. As a result, they lose the ability to self-regulate and develop autonomy.

A Tale of Two Worlds

In parts of South America, Asia, and rural U.S. regions, dogs still roam freely. While that wouldn’t be safe in our modern cities (with traffic, pollution, and other dangers), it’s clear those dogs live with a very different sense of freedom.

In contrast, many of our pet dogs are:

• Left alone for long hours while the owners work

• Confined to backyards

• Walked only on a leash

• Rarely given off-leash time to run, play, and explore

This can lead to pent-up energy, frustration, and poor socialisation.

️ The Problem with Off-Leash Parks

While off-leash dog parks are designed to offer freedom, they come with challenges. Many dogs—especially smaller, more “humanised” ones—lack proper dog social skills.

If a small dog is allowed to claim space (like sitting on your lap on the couch), they may adopt a dominant posture. In dog communication, this means “I control you.” That mindset can carry over into off-leash play and result in misunderstandings or even fights.

A Co-operative Relationship

For responsible owners, dog training has evolved into a collaborative process built on trust, respect, and understanding. When we empower our dogs to make decisions—within healthy limits—we create deeper bonds and more resilient behaviour.

⚖️ Forced Choice Isn’t Real Choice

Some claim tools like shock collars or prong collars give dogs a “choice”—comply or face discomfort. But this is not true autonomy. It’s compliance through coercion.

Real choice comes from motivation, not manipulation. Dogs should be allowed to choose freely, with more than one path to a positive outcome.

Real-Life Examples from My Home

In my home, giving dogs choices looks like this:

• Offering multiple sleeping areas

• Asking if they want a treat, go for a walk, or rest.

• Letting them choose a walking route

• Encouraging them to invent their games

• Respecting their signals when they’ve had enough

When we respect our dogs as thinking, feeling beings—capable of decision-making—we unlock a new level of connection, trust, and joy in our relationships with them.

Final Thoughts: Let Dogs Be Dogs

Dogs Deserve to Make Choices—not because it’s trendy, but because it’s right. True leadership comes not from control, but from empowering others to thrive.

Let’s give our dogs a voice. Let’s help them make better choices by giving them the chance to choose.

HOW TO TEACH A DOG TO SAY YES OR NO? 

Firstly, we have to acknowledge that this is a very human approach because we expect the dogs to learn our language by teaching them yes or no.

However, a better way is that we learn their communication ways and start observing their body language more closely. Dogs very often say yes and no, and clearly, dogs have the right to say no.

But let’s assume for a moment that we want to teach them what is right from wrong, especially in our Western environment, which is very different from their natural environment. Not to mention the dangerous roads and other unfamiliar things to them…

Touching the RIGHT hand means YES, touching the LEFT hand means NO.

Start with showing them a treat and put the treat on the floor. Present your right hand to your dog, if they touch it say yes, and give them a treat. You must repeat and Repeat and repeat the same exercise, because dogs learn by repetition. The more you exercise this, the better they become at it.

Once they will continually try to touch the right hand with their nose in this case, because they know they will get a treat present both hands to them, and only give them the treat if they touch their right hand.

Teaching no is more challenging. Pick a situation you know the dog does not really want to do it but is not aversive.

An example is putting the harness on a dog who dislikes his harness.

Show the dog the harness, present your left hand for no. If the dog touches your left hand with its nose, place the harness back in its regular spot. In this case, it is rewarding for your dog that you do not put the harness on them when they don’t want it on and will learn that touching your left hand means NO.

While I continually ask my dogs to tell me YES or NO, I am watching for their body language much more carefully.  An eager hand touch clearly indicates the dog wants to interact. If he turns away, starts sniffing the ground or starts yawning or licks his lips, that is a pretty clear message to you that he says no because those symptoms indicates on a nervous and uncomfortable situation which the dogs would like to avoid.

There are plenty of mental stimulation exercises you can find on the Internet and you can read and exercise your dog to trust and bond with you. Hence, being closer and more obedient.

In my 35 years of studying domesticated dogs and wild dogs or wolves by comparing their mental state to their ancestors, the wild dogs or the wolves who live freely, I have noticed that at least 95% of domesticated dogs with mental issues compared to their ancestor cousins who live in the wild.

The more time and mental stimulation you have with your dog, the better relationship you will have..

Good Luck, and please drop me a line and let me know your thoughts of this article and your experience with your own dog problems.

I will be happy to answer any questions, ideas and assist as much as I can.

Cheers

Cause for Paws